I am really getting excited about my cruise for my 40th now! Today’s excitement was prompted by receiving an email that my passport is finalised and on its way to me. 40 years it’s taken me to need to get a passport – yep never been out of Oz! This will be my first foray overseas and although its just to the South Pacific islands it’s still outside of Australia for the first time.
So in the lead up to said cruise we are doing another round of Changing Habits and I’m down 6.6kgs in the past 8 days, which I am definitely stoked with. I can see it instantly in my face now days when I start losing weight, which is good….the less double chins the better. I wish I could bottle the feeling of energy and wellness you start to get in week two of this protocol, John’s reported his knee is not as sore too, but it’s like you have to hold on to that feeling desperately so that temptation does not win in times of weakness. I have also decided in the lead up to start growing my nails, I’m a chronic nail biter, and since the new year I have remained strong and they are now getting to a nice length and don’t look like the nails of a biter. I have to however have them painted with a strengthener and put some time aside each weekend to take it off, file them to ensure no jagged bits and then reapply…one little scratchy bit and it would be in my mouth and ripped off in an instant. It probably also helps that work is keeping me busy that I have no time for nail biting.
I’ve recently been thinking quite deeply about addictions, probably initiated by a friends recent struggle in respect of meth and reflecting on how illicit drug addictions are judged harsher in general than things like addiction to alcohol, cigarettes or food. I think all of these things can be hugely life impacting in various degrees and ALL have the element of intentional self harm whether it be on a conscious or sub-conscious level. Is it fair that we look at the destruction that an illicit drug can cause differently to these other things? Take food in my case, a serious emotional eater who can binge at times depending on what my ‘feelings’ are and who does so without care at that moment in time for consequences or the impact on my body and the damage that behaviour is doing. Take someone who drinks a bottle of wine a night how is that acceptable compared to other drugs? Why is it judged more ‘normal’? On reflection of how we as a group approached said friend to try and help, I realise that of that same group of friends almost all of us could also have been approached regarding addictive behaviours be it to food, alcohol or cigarettes as well. But yet we don’t think of doing that do we? I just find it quite intriguing on retrospect. I always have said I have an addictive personality however as the years have passed since giving up smoking, that was truly my only addiction besides food and the food thing is totally a self harm thing I know this and am addressing this in my way, I think it is more an obsessive personality. I become obsessed with things for short periods and they are, during that time, all encompassing. I also know that I hate to lose control and even when I have had big night in the past and drunk too much I obsess the next day replaying what I can remember in my head about what I might have said or done. The benefit of this has been that I have never really been attracted to even try any illicit drugs, the irony of this being that it was due to not wanting to be controlled by a substance or let something control me yet for many years I let cigarettes do that. On that note I’m 2 days passed it being 3 years since quitting! Yay!!
Sorry went on a bit of a tangent there with no clear purpose cept to remove the brain waves from my head 😳
Right on to other matters….we recently started a bookclub, technically the book above is our second mind you we have not yet met to discuss the first book due to unavoidable circumstances prior to Christmas. So we began the above book and we had 6 odd weeks to read it which is very quickly coming to an end. It has taken me so long to get in to and you really have to get past page about 150 before it starts to grip you but OMG I’m now up to page 362 and really have to force myself to put it down, I probably shouldn’t take it out of my bag at work as it sits on my desk beckoning me ‘come on read me, just one page’………It’s quite a different style of writing from many different perspectives following the lives of four college friends and so far I highly recommend it but also note it has some really confronting themes around abuse so if that’s not for you then probably avoid having a read. It took quite some time for me to get the characters straight in my head and I think this is due to the jumping around from perspective to perspective. Anyways worth a read if your into a real gritty book.
On other news I am really getting back in to my piano playing but quite often forget the time and realise I should stop playing, especially on the nights we have all the windows open and it’s like 9pm!! Oops!! I’ve also been drawing heaps using Amaziograph which sorta isn’t really drawing as it duplicates what you draw in sections and repeats them but it’s cathartic! I’ve put some of my designs below 😊
If you’ve made it this far in my waffle I admire your perseverance and hope that you too are kicking goals this year!